A Princess and 4 Boys

I have been anticipating this for days now...tonight is the night!  I have drank copious amounts of clear liquids to stay hydrated and last the ride.  Nervousness has been running through me all day like I knew it would because the anticipation is growing.   My post surgery bowels are ready to be deflowered.   I have done everything right and according to the book so there is no reason for anymore delay.  The alarm goes off for my walk around the house every two hours and my tummy is rumbling...hopes and prayers actually works!!!! I hobble to the bathroom and I don’t turn on the light but rather use my phone light to set the romantic mood and remove the stress that we are probably both feeling.   It wasn’t the fireworks that I read about or seen in the movies...it was actually a little disappointing and rather small in stature but the initial fear is gone and I am sure the next one will be even better.

I was discharged yesterday and thankfully Carly brought me a cute button up nightie that replaced my hospital robe to go home in.  Upon reflection, Boris looked like he was breaking me out...I had on a night gown with my Birkenstock’s, I still had on all my bracelets and he helped me into the car....START THE CAR! Ok I am home and currently the only comfortable place is in bed but I am making sure I get up every two hours to do a few laps around the upstairs floor for blood flow. I have three things that are on my list to accomplish today and thanks to my amazing husband, he is going to help with two of them.  I really think after a good shower and shaving my legs, I will feel much better and hopefully get some of that iodine off me...any suggestions?  I have waterproof bandaids so I am able to get them wet...not soaking but wet. That is fine by me as I back into the shower anyway.   The last S I gotta do on my own and I am totally in my head.  I just need it to...

I am a few days late but the last few have been pretty Dilaudid heavy so while it may have been funny to read, I don’t know how much sense it would have been.  Yesterday had something to do with giants and McDonalds giggling but it is all a blur... The surgery according to my oncologist went perfect.  They got the whole tumour out and were happy that the decision was made to do a complete hysterectomy also as a small cyst was also on the left ovary. The preliminary biopsy came back all benign and the parts that were borderline were still benign and no staging.  The news is great and now I can focus on my healing. The scar is grande!  The stitches hurt a lot. We should play a game: don’t use your stomach muscle for 5 minutes....YOU CAN’T!  If it was just horizontal, I would still have parts that wouldn’t be affected but the incision went vertical and it hurts to pee, walk, breathe, cough, pretty much anything.  When I was delivering my boys, I thought my dig...

Today is the last day I am working before surgery tomorrow.  I am genuinely freaking out more about not being at work for some time and recovering at home than I am of the actual surgery. I always tell my staff that you need to like your work environment because you are at work more than you are at home...well what happens when the opposite happens and you are at home and all you want to be is at work rather than bored at home.

I woke up all ready for my pre-surgery appointment on Tuesday.  It is a great day...good hair, found close parking at the hospital and not really in pain yet..... I head to the pre-surgery desk all confident to take on the world and BOOM....I am a day early.  The appointment is tomorrow August 7.   Hahahaha well crap!   Second verse same as the first....will do it all again on Wednesday morning. 

I got the call today and we have a surgery date. A week today, I will be on an exam bed removing my tumour and my reproductive system and getting Victoria Secret model skinny!   I am confident that the biopsies will come back benign and positive thinking goes a long way!

I had my oncologist appointment yesterday at the Cross Cancer Institute.   I got to put on this sexy attire that is rapidly becoming my new uniform. Dr. Wells is so clear, calm and I feel completely confident putting my care in her hands. Turns out this tumour is the size of a small watermelon and not possible to get biopsies done while in me as it would not give accurate results.  The plan is to filet me open from pelvic to mid chest and get it out and remove all my lady bits to prevent a possible second surgery or a reoccurrence.  While I lay open, they will send a sample to test but the true accurate results won’t be for weeks due to the size. Dr. Wells told us based on my blood work and the MRI that this is benign or borderline so we are cautiously optimistic. My surgery is going to be scheduled for the first week of August and hopefully this will be the end of this ordeal after recovery. If not, then I will lift up my chin and take on the next step but for now....let...

Sleep and I have not been friends lately so I started re-watching Gossip Girls.  I am on season two where Lily and Rufus make a list of all their partners. Boris sends me a text (as he is sitting next to me) and says...here is my list from 2010.  It is a list of some of the things he loves about me that he has had in his notes on his phone for years. Love isn’t just sexual.  It is knowing that the other person has a list on their phone.  Love is being together and hold each other up when life is fucking terrible!  I don’t know if he realizes how important to my sanity he has been lately but I would be a mess without him. The List. The way she sings to the radio when she thinks no one is watching and how she smiles and giggles when she gets caught.  The way she cuts her French toast.  How she makes up words that we still use today, like we have our own special language How if we have a shower together she can't get out first, we could stand there all da...

I am the person that holds everything together. The person people go to when times are hard and I am their rock. I have stood firm through my storm and I am still standing. I have rolled down many hills only to find myself standing back up, dust myself off and just to keep it pushing. I have fought through the hardest time in my life only to shine like the strong woman that stands before you now I have cried a million tears and felt like life was not worth living only to get up the next day to see that the tears had dried up and a new day has come. I will be a strong woman and lend anyone a hand through the times of depression when all i want to do is cry. I don't feel like this person lately and I have felt really weak asking others to be my rock or make decisions for me.  The unknown is the worse place to be in. Not only has this mass inside of me taken up space unannounced and unwanted, but this inability to hold my head up and say confidently that everything is going to...

I have spent all weekend trying to not think about my upcoming appointment but all the while thinking of nothing else.   I flip between not being concerned at all to thinking worse case scenarios.  One thing this has reminded me is that I am surrounded by the best husband, children and friends.  I have had two super thoughtful care packages and my husband who has been such a rock and taking care of me.

I have been having pain in my chest and back for some time now. I had thought it was just stress so I would pop a few Tylenol, put on the heated seats in the car and carry on with my day.  After much nagging from Boris, I went to the Medicentre. Without even touching me, he told me I had gallstones and sent me off with a requisition for an ultrasound.   One week later, I had my abdomen ultrasound (holding one of the Great Lakes worth of water in my stomach) and they took A LOT of pictures.  Only one was where my gallbladder is but she was obviously new cause she kept stepping out to ask the doctor on staff questions.   I had asked for my results to be sent to my family doctor who called me the very next day to come in to talk about my results. Wednesday’s are so busy at work and so I made an appointment for Friday afternoon. These little buggers have been in there for months so they could wait a few days.  What happened next has put me in such a fog for a week n...