A Princess and 4 Boys

I had my oncologist appointment yesterday at the Cross Cancer Institute.   I got to put on this sexy attire that is rapidly becoming my new uniform. Dr. Wells is so clear, calm and I feel completely confident putting my care in her hands. Turns out this tumour is the size of a small watermelon and not possible to get biopsies done while in me as it would not give accurate results.  The plan is to filet me open from pelvic to mid chest and get it out and remove all my lady bits to prevent a possible second surgery or a reoccurrence.  While I lay open, they will send a sample to test but the true accurate results won’t be for weeks due to the size. Dr. Wells told us based on my blood work and the MRI that this is benign or borderline so we are cautiously optimistic. My surgery is going to be scheduled for the first week of August and hopefully this will be the end of this ordeal after recovery. If not, then I will lift up my chin and take on the next step but for now....let’s smash this

Sleep and I have not been friends lately so I started re-watching Gossip Girls.  I am on season two where Lily and Rufus make a list of all their partners. Boris sends me a text (as he is sitting next to me) and says...here is my list from 2010.  It is a list of some of the things he loves about me that he has had in his notes on his phone for years. Love isn’t just sexual.  It is knowing that the other person has a list on their phone.  Love is being together and hold each other up when life is fucking terrible!  I don’t know if he realizes how important to my sanity he has been lately but I would be a mess without him. The List. The way she sings to the radio when she thinks no one is watching and how she smiles and giggles when she gets caught.  The way she cuts her French toast.  How she makes up words that we still use today, like we have our own special language How if we have a shower together she can't get out first, we could stand there all day.  The way she cares for my s

I am the person that holds everything together. The person people go to when times are hard and I am their rock. I have stood firm through my storm and I am still standing. I have rolled down many hills only to find myself standing back up, dust myself off and just to keep it pushing. I have fought through the hardest time in my life only to shine like the strong woman that stands before you now I have cried a million tears and felt like life was not worth living only to get up the next day to see that the tears had dried up and a new day has come. I will be a strong woman and lend anyone a hand through the times of depression when all i want to do is cry. I don't feel like this person lately and I have felt really weak asking others to be my rock or make decisions for me.  The unknown is the worse place to be in. Not only has this mass inside of me taken up space unannounced and unwanted, but this inability to hold my head up and say confidently that everything is going to

I have spent all weekend trying to not think about my upcoming appointment but all the while thinking of nothing else.   I flip between not being concerned at all to thinking worse case scenarios.  One thing this has reminded me is that I am surrounded by the best husband, children and friends.  I have had two super thoughtful care packages and my husband who has been such a rock and taking care of me.

I have been having pain in my chest and back for some time now. I had thought it was just stress so I would pop a few Tylenol, put on the heated seats in the car and carry on with my day.  After much nagging from Boris, I went to the Medicentre. Without even touching me, he told me I had gallstones and sent me off with a requisition for an ultrasound.   One week later, I had my abdomen ultrasound (holding one of the Great Lakes worth of water in my stomach) and they took A LOT of pictures.  Only one was where my gallbladder is but she was obviously new cause she kept stepping out to ask the doctor on staff questions.   I had asked for my results to be sent to my family doctor who called me the very next day to come in to talk about my results. Wednesday’s are so busy at work and so I made an appointment for Friday afternoon. These little buggers have been in there for months so they could wait a few days.  What happened next has put me in such a fog for a week now.  Friday afternoon I