I don't know why but I am blue! I have been in a funk for a few months now and nothing is pulling me out. I have good moments but overall the dark moments are clouding those good ones.
I don't know what, why or how this is happening to me. I have a great life, awesome boys, a challenging and rewarding career and a husband whom I adore. On the outside, there is no reason to feel the way I do. On the inside there is nothing either. It isn't one thing or one person...in fact most of the time it is over nothing. "Why are you crying" "tell me what is on your mind". I can't answer these questions because I don't know the answer.
I need to bring myself back out from this place...I hate it, I hate who I've become, I hate I am not strong right now, I hate needing reasurrance, I hate that I frustrate my husband daily, I hate that I can go a day without crying.
Starting right now these are things I am going to start doing.
1. 30 minutes a day dedicated to just me. A walk/run, a trip to the farmers market (my favourite thing to do), go and sit at Starbucks and read, time in my craft room, a bath, etc. I will not consider my drive to and from work time for me nor will I consider slumped in front of the TV time for me.
This is much easier said than done and even as I am typing this I am bawling. So why am I choosing this avenue to express myself. I have to be honest. I need help...not just professionally (I am on top of that), I mean the help from friends and family. How, I don't know but I do know that my life is great and I have the power to fix this...hell I am a cancer survivor!